A 30-something wife, mother, and friend who suffers from schizoaffective disorder, D.I.D, and severe P.T.S.D.. She lives in the Arizona dessert and spends her time writing poetry, short stories, and working on her great american novel. She is a fan of fantasy, romance, sci-fi and comedy novels. Her most favorite novel is The Lord of the Rings and The Chronicles of Narnia and we can't leave out the Dresden Files. She takes Mental Illness and her family seriously. Welcome and enjoy.










Feels like Home

Loki's Army





 
18
Oct
no

I dont like talking to people its very awkward and usually leaves me upset and the rest of rthe group angry.

I am just a moron.


Posted by

16
Oct

Diva in the Baby Pool

We are in the mid 80’s and ble skys forever.  Dixie and Diva are saying goodbye to the water in their pool. And this year I think we will purchase ball pit balls to fill it with for winter fun.

My sister purchased a lemon and lime tees fo the front yad.  They are year round producers.  Gran will like to.

It’s dropping into the 60’s at night which makes for beautiful mornings when Dixie goes for her end of night potty trip.

I am looking forward to the cooler weather to helpwith walking tomorrow I gotta go get my meds that are filled.  I am also looking forward to fires in the pit and toasted marshmallows and smores. Camping food packets and desert packets.

They are expecting rain in a week or two and it will be the end to warmer temperatures.


Posted by

16
Oct

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This is a doh halti.  It is specifically designed to teach your dog not to pull and how to bring about proper leash manners, it was suggested both by my sister who has used them several times and by my vet . Who is worried about her safety when walking.

So far dixie is not unsettled either way.  She still pulls. It will . Take loads of work.

#momfordogsafety

 


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15
Oct

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I’m uping my weight loss game. I have 100# to go to be realistically where I see myself. I have all ready lost 150# over the last two years thanks to my sister who is more health conscious food wise.

She is teaching me better food choices.  So I’m trying to learn.  I was never taught about food and nutrition in school. I tried to teach myself didnt work to well.

I am upping my exercise though. Walking to the grocery store and backis 1.25 miles.  I did it today at a brisk pace took. 20 minutes.

Dixie needs exercise to so I need to figure out her haltie so Iwill have better control. Walking weather is here and all I need is a good pair of tennis shoes and Dixie and I are set. Our car died walking and busses are the option which doesnt bother me. I just dont like doing it alone so dixie will help.

Walking to frys and back at least three times a week to start is good.

unnamed

 


Posted by

15
Oct

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Music has always soothed me.  The mood dictates the music.

I listen to everything, sometimes even rap even though I dont understand it, the melodies, drums, bass work, keyboards all clense my hurt and pains.

hell sometimes I am in the mood for classical or big band era jazz and dance you know in the mood, I won’t dance.  even modern jazz work like the phenominal norah jones.

I own alot of soundtracks they help me discover new artists.  sometimes my sister or friends would introduce me to a song and i{ii need more.

tonight I am listening to 30 seconds to mars, miley cyrus, lindsey stirling, the tenors, norah jones, antoria, and cradle of filth, and of course rammstein.

awarm shower tunes in my bed and off to beddy-bye

 

 


Posted by

13
Oct

no

 

while I try to look happy, passible, and productive I am scrambled inside.

my husband is lierally Pigpen from the Charlie Brown Peanuts comic complete with dust cloud finding him around.  right now he has to walk to work, work 8 hours and walk home its a 7 mile walk but hes doing it with complaint.

my duty is to clean the house and keep her clean.  I don’t mind cleaning what I can’t handle is pig pens critiscism on what I try hard to do.  there is always something going wrong and he has no right criticizing me like that. it makes me feel worthless and unwanted yet I clean in homes it will stay clean for at least a week.

I just wish he’d respect me I resspect him 90% of the time. it does not do well withb my mental illness and autism.  he used to be thoughtful. I try to meet his sudden expectations.

my meds work 75% of the time.  I work hard.   but in his lazy, overworked life I just dont met the sudden standards.  come november I may have a friend from out of town come and visit me.  I hope she can.  I would love to see her.

ambys buisness is slowly expanding and I wish her the best and I lovee to help her flesh out her ideas.

================

I will be as strong as my mind and body allow.

my illness does not define me.


Posted by

01
Oct

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Living is hard.  But you know what even if I keep myelf locked up in my bedroom all day I’m still here and I am still surviving.

I miss Penny very much and its killing me inside.  Its been 8 years now since she died and whilee I am still so glad she’s at peace… I’m still stubborn and miss her.

Penny.  she was an amazing gal.  She was smart, kind, and a true leader.  But she was so vry sick.

Makes mwe so glad to say, you know what??  I am alive today.  I am trying and itas fucking hard.

 

also got my swear word coloring book, and I got my supernatural coloring book today.

with that said, ttfn.


Posted by

01
Oct

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Hello all.

So at the end of July I was inpatient at the mental health hospital for near a week when I got deathly ill and had to go to the regular hospital err and was taken inpatient there for 8 days while trying to bring the sodium level in my body back up. After 12 years my triumphal tanked that level and I had to be weaned off.

Today I got the results of my newest blood work and my level is a perfect 137. Much better than 98. I am on a low carb diet, I drink 1800more of fluid every 24 hours.  And my new med regiment is top notch.

I have lost 150lbs I still have 100 to go.  But I am tacking all my comfy clothes so that I can wear them. I have gone from a 6x to a 2-3x it’s very nice.

Well I will talk again tomorrow.

TTFN

 


Posted by

04
Jul

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I know the picture is of three little girls suffering cancer.  I believe all wore in remission when it was taken.  Its more the quote and there being three girls in it.  For most that do not know, besides Shizoaffective disorder, early onset with a total break August 10th when I went on dialysis and it removed all my psych meds and the toxins from my shot down kidneys.  I went fully off the deep end.

I have D.I.D. which is the new classification family of multi-personality.  I have many voices.

I have Alice May she is 6 and has an addiction to stuffed animals.  She is the only part of me that still loves my dad.

I have Elizabeth, we call her Beth.  She likes a rainbow of genres and  I received her when my family started to fracture and I was being left at my grandparents(Fraternal) front door for undisclosed time.  Money problems, parental fights when they thought you weren’t listening she is 6.

I have Jayna who is 7 1/2 and I received her when my babysitters oldest brother took advantage of a broken child and continuously molested me to the point I was ruined.  Jayna is my freedom and my strength and protects me as a great fighter would, she loves My SO.

all three love to color and draw and seem to just enjoy being out and contributing how I can.  Alice sucks on my cats ears to calm herself.

I also know about Jayna, but my SO enjoys the girls and rescues the cats.

On my sixteenth birthday I got a surprise party and raped by the boy I was in love with a friend from the valley. I don’t even remember his name but his voice I will never forget.  I got Jolie when I am most frustrated and in pain or stressed out Jolie strikes out she shuts me out and cleans the problem.

Where Dimitri came from I do not know but he is an adult older than myself and I’ve known him since  as long as I can remember.  He is my protector and goes to knuckles and fists rather than speaking.  In 2007 I nearly beat a security guard to death.  It was all Dimitri,

I have others but I know them not.  It does not make me scary or worried.  I’m just a person and I can’t control when they come out.  just please to remember this when you think of me.

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Posted by

28
Jun

nekonobasu_ls2_40

My world is spiraling out of control. I feel like I will never get my footing.


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